By Rev Dr Travis Guse
Change is hard, especially when it comes to our wellness goals in life. We want to be growing more in our faith in God and His love for us in Christ. We want to feel better. We want to be healthier. We want to be more connected with our family and friends. We want to experience more significant meaning and purpose in our work. We want to bless our communities by making them better. Then why is it so hard to change, even when we know it will benefit us?
In a book called “Change Or Die,” Alan Deutschman examines why change is so difficult and identifies the keys to making change possible in one’s work and life. He begins by examining why so few heart surgery patients change when told that they need to start making profound lifestyle changes or they will die. For example, almost 90% percent of those who need to change or they will die actually do not take the steps necessary to exercise and eat better.
Unfortunately, many mistakenly believe that the three F’s can effectively motivate people to make proactive changes to improve their wellness – 1) Facts, 2) Fear, and 3) Force. While there are so many facts that I could share with you that exercise, eating right, and taking better care of yourself is good for your overall well-being (and trust me, I have a lot of facts and information that I could share from the Wellness Coaching training I’ve been going through this year), information alone will not motivate you to change. Likewise, trying to inspire you with fear that if you don’t change, you will die won’t create lasting change. And ultimately, trying to force you to change because I want you to see your wellness improve more than you want to change won’t do it either.
So, according to Deutschman, what creates, motivates, and sustains positive, proactive change in one’s life? His findings suggest that it comes down to replacing the three F’s with the three R’s:
- Relate – You form a new, emotional relationship with a person or community that inspires and sustains the hope that you can actually change.
- Repeat – This new relationship helps you learn, practice, and master new habits and skills needed to make the change you are seeking to make possible and lasting.
- Reframe – This new relationship helps you learn new ways of thinking about your situation and life and ultimately helps empower you to be responsible for your lifestyle changes.
What kind of change in terms of your wellness are you seeking to make in your life? Ultimately, change is difficult, especially when trying to undertake it all by yourself. However, know that you don’t have to go it alone. Change is possible when you have someone in your corner supporting you and trained in the three R’s of change. We have a network of coaches as part of our LCMS Coaching Network who are ready to partner with you to help you achieve your personal wellness and well-being goals (Relate), develop steps and actions to make that change a reality (Repeat), all the while providing encouragement, support, and some good gospel accountability along the way so that you can continue making self-care a priority in your life (Reframe). These three R’s that inspire and make proactive change possible for individuals also apply to teams, organizations, and ministries who are desiring to initiate change.
Admitting you need help to make lasting changes in your life to improve your overall wellness is a challenge, especially for us pastors and church workers. We don’t want to be perceived as being “less than” or not “self-sufficient”. And in doing so, we worry that others will see us as having a problem. Let me take a moment to help you frame this worry by sharing a thought with you from Deutschman’s book about how working with someone like a coach to be proactive in making changes in your life to improve your wellness can ultimately empower you to “level up” your Kingdom effectiveness in your daily callings of life and ministry. He states, “Think of change as what you do to remain successful and become even more successful, not as what you’ll have to do when your success finally runs out.” Change will happen one way or another, so why not be proactive when it comes to your wellness?
If you want to discover more about our LCMS Coaching Network and explore the possibility of connecting with a coach to see if coaching is right for you to help you achieve your wellness and well-being goals, please do so by checking out our website at www.lcmscoaching.com. Know that change is possible and most importantly you don’t have to do it on your own! If you found this reflection helpful, we would love to hear from you.
